Its been 3 years since i last wrote here.
The only reason im writing once more is that i require an outlet for the emotions and things that happen everyday which i can't confine to anybody.
A little background story , my parents are separated since i was pri 5. Growing up with a shadow that telling my parents what is going on in my life will just get me scolded for making wrong decisions , for not putting in effort for everything especially studies. In Singapore, without a certificate there is no way you can get a good future or that is what everyone tells me. "you need to get a degree or best a masters to do well in life to earn more money" Money is that what everyone truly cares about? no matter how many reason one may give that money can't buy you many things such as love, friendship , happiness etc. However without money in this superficial society , you will not survive.
I get things that i want from my parents, be it clothing, food , allowance or even things for my expensive hobby right now cue sports. There is rarely a 'NO you can't get this or that'. I have a roof over my head , i live in a country that is free from natural disasters , i can walk on the street at night without the fear of anything that might happen to me. Everything is so perfect what more can i ask for? I may just be seen as another spoil brat. But what i am really lacking in life is the affirmation and the care and love. 3 simple things but it can change a child's world.
Currently in polytechnic right now , life is really different from secondary school. In secondary school , there are teachers that you may hate but that is usually one or two while the rest of the teachers treat you as their child , someone they love so much. They affirm you with your efforts, they guide you out of your mistakes. When something seems wrong about you , they will always ask, they will make you feel like someone really wants you to be alright. In polytechnic , very similar to university where the lecturer just comes in to teach you and leaves, consultation was on your own efforts , they dun really care about you much anymore. Although we have a mentor per class but once they dun teach you , they kinda forget you already. I wish to go back to secondary school and live life happy once more.
Although 19 this year, im still weak emotionally. I really dun like everything that is happening in my life right now. Many will just go: You are already an young adult , time to man up and be like one. Work life is going to be more difficult. If you can't handle this then good luck to you. Hearing things like that won't be any help but make the person feel miserable. I really hope i will survive till old cos i feel like giving up right now...
